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Over the past few weeks, we’ve highlighted strategies and tactics for engaging in bold, inclusive conversations. We started out underscoring the role of fostering self and other understanding, followed by a framework for assessing individual and organizational readiness. We shared guidance for preparing for the conversation, and how to get to a place of shared meaning or common ground. Last week, we shared more on delving into differences with the goal of reciprocal empathy.

This week, we end the series with a focus on sharpening inclusive habits. In her new book, We Can’t Talk About That at Work!: How to Talk About Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics in the Workplace, Mary-Frances Winters encourages readers to approach this process as a journey. Living inclusively and honing one’s competence to engage in these conversations involves ongoing learning. Winters offers a list of “Inclusive Habits to Live By” as guidance for continuing one’s growth along this journey.

The word “habit” is defined as: an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary; customary practice. Perhaps, if there were an “end game,” to engaging in bold, inclusive conversations it’d be getting to a point where exuding these behaviors come natural. As with any other competence, skill, or habit, this will take practice.

Consider these behaviors when engaging in dialogue across differences, and practice modeling them. Above all, keep in mind that this process is a journey, not a destination.

  • Acknowledging: You don’t know everything; there is always something to learn.
  • Legitimizing: Other perspectives are just as valid as yours and should be listened to for understanding, not necessarily agreement.
  • Listening: Listen to understand. Listen for your own cultural assumptions, perceptions and expectations.
  • Reflecting: Spend more time reflecting on your own values and beliefs.
  • Describing: Learn to describe the behavior before providing your interpretation and expand the number of interpretations you consider.
  • Contextualizing: Consider the circumstances, conditions and history of the topic for which you are having a bold, inclusive conversation.
  • Pausing: Take a deep breath.  Think about what you are going to say. Pause to be more patient as well. Be patient of mistakes.
  • Accepting: Accepting does not mean agreeing. You are accepting that there are myriad worldviews and it is important to learn more about them.
  • Questioning: Be curious, not judgmental about differences.
  • Respecting: Respect the dignity of every person even when you don’t agree with them.
  • Apologizing: If you say something that offends someone else, genuinely apologize.
  • Connecting: Making meaningful connections across difference is one sure way of breaking down barriers and enhancing our capacity for empathy and shared understanding.
  • Empathizing: Sympathy leads to patronization and pity. Empathy allows you to see the situation from the perspective of the other person.

We Can’t Talk About That at Work! is available for purchase! Purchase your copy or download an excerpt from the book.