True or False?: By Age 16, black children are perceived as being less innocent than white children.
False. It’s actually by the tender of age of 10.
This is a sad, disturbing fact. Researchers found that by age 10, black boys are more likely to be mistaken as older, be perceived as guilty and face police violence if accused of a crime.
“Children in most societies are considered to be in a distinct group with characteristics such as innocence and the need for protection. Our research found that black boys can be seen as responsible for their actions at an age when white boys still benefit from the assumption that children are essentially innocent,”
-Phillip Atiba Goff, PhD, of the University of California, Los Angeles
Author, The Essence of Innocence: Consequences of Dehumanizing Black Children
In other words, even as we see our boys as they are—young boys—society sees them as men, black men, undeserving of what their inherent innocent should naturally afford them. If there were any doubts on the validity of this study’s findings, we need not look too far back into history. The killings of Emmitt Till, Trayvon Martin, and Tamir Rice serve as tragic points of reference.
Which is why my stomach turns when I hear my son (or any young boy, for that matter) referred to as a “little man.” It is a trigger for me.
I get it. The intent, behind what many view as a cute nickname or term of endearment, is not meant to be of any harm. Many dads liken “little man” to labeling their sons as “mini” versions of themselves. Some moms, perhaps use it as a cute way to foretell the gentleman that their sons will grow up to be. I get it—I really do. But there’s something about prematurely labeling a child something that they, literally, are not, that makes me so uncomfortable.
I think there is enormous power in the words we say (if you live by the Christian faith, perhaps you would agree). Likewise, I believe there’s even more power in what we speak into, and call our children. And in the social context of a system that is already quick to steal the innocence from him, I’m just not comfortable with calling my child anything that would further perpetuate that.
From my point of view…when we refer to our young, baby boys as “little men,” we are maintaining the same societal norms that have been used to justify the outrageously, disproportionate amount of Black preschoolers who are far more likely to be suspended than their white counterparts. When we call our young sons “little men,” we are unconsciously colluding with the same narrative that has created America’s irrational fear towards black children. We are perpetuating the same unreasonable biases that lead a “public servant” to kill a 12-year-old child, whom he thought he was a man, and that led a jury to believe that the killing of a 17-year-old child was justified. When we call our young boys, “little men,” we are stealing from them the precious innocence owed to them as babies, boys, children.
I think one of the harsh realities of raising a Black boy is knowing that the world will one day see him differently than you do. One day, when he is a man, people may interpret his passion as aggression, his stature as a threat, and his confidence as disrespect. I am in no rush for that to happen. I am in no hurry for him to carry that burden. And I want no part in undermining the beautiful innocence that society may one day steal away. So, please don’t call my son a “little man.”
Thank you for this. 100% agreed. I shudder when I hear the term.
This is a really great perspective! I recently began researching this and I’ve come across some pretty scary words and consequences such adultification, parentification, narcissism, enmeshment, and emotional incest. That last one is particularly damaging as it can lead to the real thing when the child grows up.